Five For Friday: The 5 Worst Things To Say To A Stepmom

Number 5:     Your daughter (son) looks just like you.

Uhhh... awk-ward.

Number 4:     Where's their mother?

You may think people would never have the gall to say this to a stepmom's face. Let me remind you if you are a mother - how many rank strangers want to touch your pregnant belly? Or your newborn baby? Yeah, people have lost sense of that little thing known as boundaries. No filter. None.

Number 3:    You're not the real mom.

I have already written an entire post about this one thing: Just What Is A Real Mom Anyway? Just to clarify - I am not a ghost. I am not plastic. I am real; I am a variation of mom; I am just not their birth mom. Doesn't make me any less real. Although it's often said by the stepkids, you would be amazed how many regular folk say it. Once again, no filter. It just spews forth like Mt. Vesuvius. Amazingly enough, this traditionally follows or is followed by some variation of the "Where's mother?" question.

Number 2:  (at a doctor/counselor/school/etc. office) So, what was your pregnancy and childbirth like? 

Do professionals not read anymore? When I said (and wrote on the intake form) that I am the custodial stepmother, do you really think I was there as a birth coach or doula? After all, since "I'm not the real mom" we all know I didn't give birth. And this is not something my DH and I want to chat up during cocktails and appetizers, KWIM? Seriously, some people need to stop, read and think - then speak.

Number 1:     You knew he had kids when you married him. 

Don't even get me started on this one. The AKA for this one is: "Don't complain. You knew what you were

getting into." Oh really? So, that viper you work with? Don't complain about her - after all you knew other

people worked there when you were hired. Trust me - no stepmother really understands what she is getting into. I can't tell you how many I have met that were not custodial and suddenly became a custodial stepmom -

and when they had already finished raising their own and now get another one? Those ladies are the real fearless stepmoms.

So, yes, I have actually had an encounter that went something like this:

PROFESSIONAL PERSON (PP): (after glancing at paperwork) So, tell me was your pregnancy normal? No problems in childbirth?

FEARLESS STEPMOM (FS): Uh... no. Uhhh... I am the custodial stepmom. I explained to the secretary that I will need to get all that information from my husband. I'll get it back to you.

PP: Oh. So, where's their mother?

FS: Uh, well, um. She's in jail right now. 

PP: (beginning to look like they want to dig that proverbial hole to China) "Oh. I see. Well, uh, so you're not the real mom?"

FS: (wanting to bang head in frustration) "No. I am the custodial stepmom, since 2001. They are with us all of the time."

PP: "Okay. Well, just get those back when you can. You know. she really does look just like you."

Once I've escaped and am venting to my friend about it later, she says:

"Well, that's going to happen. After all, you knew he had kids when you married him."