Isn't It School Yet? This Is My Steplife and I Need A Break

I can't wait until August 17 - the first day of school.

That may sound harsh, but I need a break. I haven't told a lot of my story, but I am a little different from a lot of stepmothers out there. I am 100% custodial - full time, all the time. That means there are no "every other weekends" or any "summer visits". Instead, they get to see her only when she schedules her therapeutic supervised visits - which she has not ever scheduled. They last saw their mother in August 2008, at a regular supervised visitation which did not end very successfully.

I've been a custodial stepmother ever since I married my dear husband (DH). That will be ten years ago this coming March 2011, so it has been a while. This means I love them all very much, as I have been put in a situation of "mothering" them for most of their lives. Their mother has had visitation on and off, sometimes supervised and sometimes unsupervised, until in March 2009 when it went to the therapeutic visits based on recommendations of therapists involved.

As a result of that, my OSD (oldest stepdaughter) ended up threatening suicide which landed her in a mental hospital for about two weeks. According to all the therapists and doctors involved, it was all a manipulative attempt to go live with her mother who could not (and still cannot) take care of her. However, it decidedly interrupted our lives and ended up with OSD being placed on homebound instruction for the remainder of the school year. At that time, she was not the least bit shy about sharing her utter hatred of me and the belief that I was solely responsible for everything wrong in her life not the least of which was her being unable to see her mother. Amazing, since I later found out that she had secretly been in touch with her mother for several months and her mother had even come to several high school football games with the sole objective of seeing OSD. (And no, her mother never asked nor tried to see other siblings which had an impact on YSD.) So, there we were with OSD hating me, DH working every day, and me trying to balance it all to provide at least a somewhat normal existence for my three year old daughter.

Once school let out in May, I had all the stepkids home with me. Well, almost all. The OSS decided he could "make it on his own" at age 17 and decided to move out in May. Actually, he had moved out in November (just prior to the suicide threats by OSD) but moved back in January. He had left to move in with the stepkids' mother, who went to jail in December for three months. Since that left him homeless, he basically moved back home. Then, he decided in May he would try it again only to end up moving back in with his mother. As luck would have it, she went to jail the Monday after he graduated high school which left him homeless yet again. My DH believes in tough love, and since OSS doesn't believe in finding a job or attending school my DH doesn't believe we have room at our inn. And I am behind him 100%.

That meant my summer had the following: a sullen 16-year-old (YSS) who was upset he couldn't move out and away from rules and responsibility, a pouting 15-year-old (OSD) who was upset she couldn't be with her mother and was pissed her therapists called her on being manipulative, and a depressed 12-year-old who could not understand why her mother would not try to contact her even though it was not the right thing to do. Oh, and an amazingly fairly normal 4-year-old who had managed to survive her birthday and develop just fine during all the craziness that ensued in the rest of our home.

I need a break so I can enjoy that darling little four-year-old just a little bit more. I don't want to miss all those special moments which are dwindling since she will soon start the school race too. And I don't want to seethe with resentment because of my role in steplife. It's a careful balance, but one that school will resolve this year. Just a few more days, then at least there will be a little peace. And it's amazing what that eight hour break can do for the soul.

Isn't it school yet?